How Do Christians Deal With Sex Addiction?

Sexual content and displays of sexuality are seemingly everywhere, and Christians aren’t immune to the temptations and impacts. So, how do Christians deal with sex addiction, especially in today’s world? Overall, not very well, but there are clear ways to improve this coping and support each other.

If you or someone you know has experience with sex addiction, it’s difficult to know how to address it. Faith can add layers of guilt and shame on top of the addiction, which makes it even more challenging to be open about your problem and focus on recovery. But healing is possible with sex addiction treatment, and Christians can support each other through it.

Understanding Sex Addiction 

Sex addiction is a type of compulsive sexual behavior in which a person can’t control their sexual impulses. Pornography addiction and masturbation addiction are types of sex addiction.

Symptoms of compulsive sexual behavior include:

• Sexual activities seem more important to your well-being than other activities
• Putting your sexual urges before other responsibilities and duties
• Feeling like you can’t resist sexual temptations
• Reckless engagement in sexual behaviors
• Inability to form or maintain healthy relationships 
• Trying and failing to stop the adverse behavior
• Using sex to escape negative feelings
• Having multiple affairs, sexual partners, or one-night stands
• Feeling detached and unsatisfied by sexual activities
• Isolating to fulfill sexual urges

The origins of sexual addiction can be challenging to pinpoint because they are often deeply rooted in unresolved trauma. To fully understand why someone experiences this behavior, you have to know what they’ve been through. The trauma they experienced could even have occurred in childhood. 

Regardless of the type of traumatic experience or when it happened, it will likely have resulted in extreme stress or other negative emotions that continue today. Attempting to cope with these negative emotions results in using sexual behavior to feel better. Once a person does that enough times, an addiction forms, and they can’t stop.

The Challenges of Sex Addiction as a Christian

Dealing with sex addiction is difficult for anyone. Dealing with sex addiction as a Christian has unique challenges.

Common challenges of sex addiction for Christians include:

• Perfectionism. Many Christians struggle with an expectation of perfection and feel ashamed when they fail to live up to this standard. This idea can make it even more difficult for Christians with sex addiction, who may feel something is wrong with them.
• Shame. Because Christians believe their actions are inherently sinful, they may feel there is no hope for them after committing a sexual transgression. This immense shame can lead them to give up on themselves and their recovery. They may even think they aren’t worthy of God’s love.
• Fear. When you believe what you’re doing is wrong and sinful, you’re afraid that people won’t accept you. You tie your self-worth to your addiction instead of realizing that you can be a good, Christian person and still be flawed. Christians often hide sex addiction because they fear losing their church community.

Many of the challenges of sex addiction are similar for all those who deal with it, but the feeling of being an amoral or bad person tends to be stronger for Christians. But sex addiction isn’t a moral failure, it’s a mental health issue.

How Can Christians Prevent Sex Addiction?

Since sex addiction is likely the result of a deeper mental health concern, preventing it is challenging. If addiction stems from unresolved trauma, then it will occur unless people recognize and treat trauma. And, just like anyone else, Christians aren’t immune to traumatic experiences or difficulty coping with them.

“Christians can’t prevent sex addiction because Christians are human beings and prone to sin just like everyone else,” said T.C. Ryan, author of “Ashamed No More: A Pastor’s Journey Through Sex Addiction” and pastoral sex addiction specialist for Begin Again Institute’s Boulder Recovery Christian men’s program.

“But, through a better understanding of addiction and coming at it from a place of grace, the Church can become healthier, create buffers for addiction, and better help those in need,” he continued.

Ways to buffer sex addiction include:

• Focus on your relationship with God and avoid doing things that are out of line with your faith
• Determine and follow your own standards of sexual purity
• Seek accountability by setting rules, like not being alone with members of the opposite sex
• Manage urges with healthy coping like journaling, exercise, prayer, or Bible study 
• Set boundaries in relationships 
• Stick to healthy routines
• Participate in a supportive community like church peer groups
• Ask for help if you feel tempted to do something outside of your beliefs

It’s possible to do all of the things above and still have an addiction. But avoiding any compulsive sexual behaviors right from the beginning will keep you from justifying these behaviors while an addiction forms.

Preparing for Tempting Situations

It’s essential to know what you can do to prepare for temptations that might trigger you to behave outside of your beliefs or relapse if you’re healing from sex addiction.

Challenging situations you may face include:

• Traumatic Events. You can’t necessarily avoid trauma, but you can develop strong support, healthier habits, and coping mechanisms to deal with unforeseen events when or if they arise.
• Social Situations. Avoid situations with people who encourage sexual promiscuity, disregard your personal beliefs, or promote activities, like drinking or drugs, that diminish your ability to regulate your boundaries.
• Relational Conflicts. Relationships have challenges. Try to deal with those challenges as a couple instead of letting stress build that may result in negative behavior.
• Traveling. When travel disrupts routines, it’s easier to make excuses for things you may not normally do. Consider traveling with your spouse or significant other. 
• Visual Environments. Certain restaurants, bars, and other settings may be full of sexually explicit content. Avoiding areas like this can help reduce sexual urges.
• Periods of Isolation. Too much time alone can generate adverse emotions and increase the likelihood of justifying stress relief or emotional escape via sexual behavior. Surround yourself with loved ones who share your beliefs and care about your well-being.
• Seasons of High Stress. Ongoing periods of stress aren’t always avoidable. Instead of seeking an escape, it’s important to develop and lean on healthy coping mechanisms for stress relief.

How Do Christians Deal With Sex Addiction?

Despite attempting to avoid and prevent sex addiction, it can still develop. When it does, Christians often deal with sex addiction by hiding it because of the fear and shame they associate with sin. Sadly, the Church often isn’t a lot of help in dealing with sex addiction either, simply because they don’t know how.

“When Christians come forward and seek help, specifically from the Church, church leaders don’t deal well with sex addiction,” said Matt Wenger, Clinical Director at Begin Again Institute. 

He said church leaders aren’t equipped to help people with compulsive sexual behavior because they don’t fully understand the issue or how to address it.

“They have the best intentions, but they make unintentional mistakes that can harm those that come to them for help,” he stated.

Therefore, Christians tend to suffer in silence. They’re afraid of letting others down or being judged or abandoned by the Church.

“Addiction discovery can result in the loss of family, home, and sometimes even employment. And a loss of connection to their Church can be devastating,” Matt noted. “This can also feel like abandonment or disconnection from God, especially when their status as a Christian is called into question.”

Instead of coming forward, Christians with sex addiction often:

• Hide
• Experience guilt and shame
• Act out compulsively
• Deal with confusion 
• Face paralysis
• Feel fear

This tendency to try to hide, condemn, and deal with addiction alone is the opposite of what results in effective recovery. It’s also counter to what the Church believes and stands for.

The Christian Approach to Recovery

Christians can better help those in need by understanding more about addiction, including sex addiction. For example, many people in the Church may not realize that addiction is almost always the result of unresolved trauma. The person with the addiction needs support to understand this trauma, heal from it, and then address their behavior.

“The church is not bad or wrong for attempting to help members struggling with addiction. Sometimes an issue is simply out of their realm of expertise. It’s OK to ask for help,” Matt said. “Being a spiritual leader is not about knowing all the answers. It’s about having the humility to go and try to hunt them down for the people you care for.”

Ways for Christian leaders and churches to adequately address sex addiction include:

• Seeking Knowledge. The more people understand addiction and how it happens, the better prepared they are to help those in need. Christians would serve themselves and their church communities better by having a greater understanding of trauma and addiction.
• Acting With Love and Respect. A person with sex addiction is a fellow Christian and human being. They should be treated with love and respect.
• Providing Support. People working on recovery need support. The Church is uniquely positioned to provide that faith-based community they need.
• Training. Giving church and Christian leaders the tools to truly help those with sex addiction is part of equipping them “for every good work” (2 Timothy 3:17). If a person is in a position that makes them a resource for others, they need training on addiction. That way, they understand how to respond when someone comes to them for help.
• Referral Resources. Church leaders should encourage people who come to them with addictions to get the help they need, even outside the Church. Healing should always be the desired outcome.

If you or a loved one is living with sex addiction, it’s possible to seek support without sacrificing your faith. In fact, spirituality can be a key component of sex addiction recovery.

Seeking Help with Begin Again Institute

Begin Again Institute helps men with sex, pornography, and intimacy issues who want to recover from addiction in a faith-based environment. Our Boulder Recovery 14-Day Christian Men’s Intensive helps men face these issues and deal with the root causes, including unresolved trauma. Contact us to start your journey to recovery.