Do I Have an Attachment Disorder?

Do relationships leave you feeling stuck, anxious, or emotionally distant? Do you find yourself pulling away from people if they get too close? Or are you afraid, when you start getting close to someone, that they’ll leave you? If any of these things resonate, you may have an attachment disorder.

What Is an Attachment Disorder?

An attachment disorder is when you have difficulty forming healthy emotional bonds with others. It’s usually the result of problems in early relationships, like bonding with caregivers. The effects of attachment issues in childhood often persist into adulthood, particularly in romantic and intimate relationships.

The four main attachment styles in adults are:

1. Secure. Adults with secure attachment styles feel comfortable with intimacy, have high self-esteem, and can trust their partners. They are capable of expressing their needs and emotions openly with loved ones.
2. Anxious Preoccupied. People with this attachment style often fear rejection and abandonment. They have difficulty respecting others’ boundaries, become overly dependent on their partner, and require constant reassurance from others.
3. Dismissive Avoidant. People with dismissive-avoidant attachment styles tend to be hyper-independent. They don’t feel the need for intimate relationships, pull away when people get too close, and avoid emotional intimacy.
4. Fearful Avoidant. This style usually stems from disorganized or avoidant attachment as a child. People with this style may desire close relationships but also fear rejection and find it difficult to trust. They tend to believe they don’t deserve love and struggle to self-soothe their emotions, often turning to self-destructive behaviors to cope.

You can overcome an attachment disorder, but first, you have to identify whether one exists.

Do I Have an Attachment Disorder?

At this point, you may be wondering, “Do I have an attachment disorder?” Here are some common signs to look for to determine if you do:

• Lack of Trust. You have a difficult time trusting others. Even when people show up consistently, you may find yourself doubting their intentions. You might expect betrayal or rejection, even without evidence.
• Fear of Abandonment. Some people with anxious attachment fear being left behind or not being “enough.” Others, especially those with avoidant tendencies, feel overwhelmed when others get too close.
• Distant. You push people away. Whether it’s out of fear, past hurt, or self-protection, you may find yourself creating distance in relationships, even if what you really want is connection.
• Need for Reassurance. Feeling secure may be difficult unless you’re frequently reminded that you’re loved or wanted. This can lead to emotional ups and downs in relationships.
• Avoidant. You might keep people at arm’s length, avoid vulnerability, or feel uncomfortable when conversations get too personal.
• Repeating Patterns. Whether it’s chasing unavailable partners or feeling disconnected even in long-term relationships, you may notice repetitive cycles in your relationships.
• Boundary Issues. You have trouble with boundaries, whether you merge too quickly with others or keep your walls too high.

How Attachment Issues Affect Adult Life

If you relate to some of these attachment issues, chances are it’s affecting your life. Attachment issues stem from childhood, but they don’t stay there. They follow you into adulthood in subtle, powerful ways and impact your relationships.

Romantic Relationships

Attachment issues often become most apparent in romantic partnerships. You might:

• Feel anxious when your partner pulls away, even briefly
• Sabotage connection by picking fights or shutting down emotionally
• Struggle to trust, even when your partner is dependable
• Crave constant reassurance, or push your partner away when they get too close

These dynamics can create a cycle of insecurity, distance, and unmet needs.

Friendships and Family Dynamics

You may find it challenging to form deep, lasting friendships or often feel let down by others. Some people with attachment wounds feel like they have to “perform” to be accepted, while others avoid closeness altogether to avoid being hurt.

Work Relationships

Attachment patterns can also influence how you relate to colleagues and authority figures. You might:

• Avoid collaboration out of fear of criticism
• Overwork yourself to gain approval
• Struggle with constructive feedback or perceived rejection

These behaviors can limit career growth and lead to burnout or workplace conflict.

Overall, attachment issues can make it difficult to feel connected with others, even when you really want to be.

What to Do if You Relate to These Signs

Do I have an attachment disorder? If you think the answer is “yes,” you’re on the right path. It sounds counterintuitive, but recognizing the issue is the first step in the right direction. Now, you can work to address your attachment-related concerns.

1. Get Curious About Your Attachment Style

Start by exploring your own patterns. There are many free, research-based quizzes available online that can help you identify whether you lean toward anxious, avoidant, or disorganized traits. Journaling about your relationship experiences can also offer valuable insight.

2. Consider Working With a Mental Health Professional

A mental health professional can help you safely explore past wounds and develop new relational skills. They can help you identify where your attachment issues originated and give you tools for healing.

3. Practice Secure Attachment Behaviors

Even if it feels unnatural at first, you can begin to build security through intentional practice. Practice some secure attachment behaviors like:

• Communicating openly and honestly
• Setting and respecting healthy boundaries
• Staying present during emotional discomfort
• Reflecting instead of reacting in relationships

4. Seek Out Safe, Supportive Relationships

Healing doesn’t happen in isolation. Social support is key. Look for friendships, communities, or partnerships where you feel seen, respected, and safe. These relationships can offer experiences that help you rewire old patterns.

Get Help at Begin Again Institute

If you think you have an attachment disorder, you certainly aren’t alone. Attachment issues often stem from experiences outside of your control, but healing is something you can choose. With awareness, support, and intentional steps forward, it’s possible to build healthier, more secure connections.

Begin Again Institute helps men with attachment disorders, even those that led to addictions, heal. Our intensive programs are designed to address the root causes of intimacy issues, guiding you toward real, lasting change. Ready to explore healing? Contact us today.

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