Is Watching Porn Cheating?

Is watching porn cheating if you’re in a relationship? There aren’t any agreed-upon rules about watching pornography as a form of infidelity. So, how can you answer that question? Start by asking yourself, “Does it feel like cheating?” If you think it’s cheating or your partner does, then it probably is — at least in your relationship.

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Is Watching Porn Cheating? 

To some people, if you watch porn while in a relationship, you’re cheating. But not everyone agrees with that notion.

You and your partner should reach a consensus about watching porn. It’s an important topic to discuss when you start a new relationship. You both have to consider your feelings and thoughts carefully. Then, you can reach a consensus or compromise.

Without this discussion, porn could quickly become an issue in your relationship, especially if you keep your porn-viewing habits a secret. Also, lying about or hiding porn habits could be a sign of porn addiction.  

Why Watching Porn Could Be Cheating

Porn is cheating if you or your partner think it is. Knowing their partner is watching porn causes negative feelings for many people. 

Common reasons people think watching porn is cheating include:

• Your partner is fantasizing about someone else
• They’re watching acts that you aren’t comfortable doing
• Your partner is exploring their sexuality without you
• They spend more time looking at porn than being with you
• It feels like your partner prefers porn over intimacy with you
• You compare yourself to the actors in porn, leaving you feeling undesirable and self-conscious

There are many reasons watching porn may feel like cheating. Your relationship deserves an open, honest conversation about watching porn. You may even be able to reach a suitable compromise together.

Is Watching Porn Cheating for Christians?

For most Christians, porn viewership is considered an act of unfaithfulness. Watching porn harms relationships as the user of porn can become emotionally unavailable to their partner and sexually disconnected. It also can cause serious emotional and psychological damage through repeated betrayal. Not to mention lying and gaslighting to cover it up, much of which is exactly like the act of physically cheating.

Matt Wenger, Clinical Director at Begin Again Institute, said most Christians consider porn use an act of unfaithfulness, and it’s a common temptation for Christian men.

“Words like ‘infidelity’ or ‘cheating’ are sometimes used for porn usage in Christian marriages, but are most often reserved for physical, sexual acts with a person outside the marriage,” he said.

When Watching Porn Becomes an Even Bigger Issue

If you and your partner talk about porn and set boundaries around it, you may have an issue if you don’t respect those boundaries. Hiding or lying about your porn consumption will create mistrust in your relationship. The foundation of any healthy relationship is trust. Without trust, you can’t authentically be yourself. 

If you keep overstepping boundaries around porn in your relationship, despite knowing it will cause problems, you may have a form of sex addiction. Porn addiction is more common than you may expect. 

Signs that you may have pornography addiction include:

• You hide or lie about your porn viewing habits
• You clear your browser history so you won’t get caught
• The type of porn you watch escalates over time
• You develop an expectation for your sex life to be like the porn you watch
• Watching porn interferes with your career, social connections, or romantic life
• You try to stop watching porn, but it feels like you can’t

Developing an addiction to pornography doesn’t happen overnight. And it may indicate a more significant emotional health concern. You may find that you need support and help to overcome porn addiction.

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How to Move Forward

If you violated your relationship’s boundaries around porn, start the healing by telling your partner. Having a candid and vulnerable conversation may offer the fresh start you both need.

When you have this conversation, remember:

• Listen to Their Feelings. Even if you don’t see viewing pornography as cheating, your partner’s feelings are valid. Ask them why they feel this way and listen without being defensive.
• Clarify Intentions and Boundaries. Explain your perspective and intentions. If you don’t believe watching pornography is cheating, express why, but acknowledge their feelings; don’t just try to justify your own behaviors.
• Discuss Expectations. Every relationship has different boundaries. If your partner feels strongly about this, discuss what is and isn’t acceptable for both of you moving forward. Once you’ve agreed to what you will or won’t do, honor this commitment.
• Compromise if Necessary. If this is a major issue for them, you may need to adjust your habits or find a middle ground that respects both of your values.
• Reassure Them. If they feel insecure, reassure them of your commitment and that your actions don’t diminish your love or attraction to them.
• Seek Guidance if Needed. If this remains a major point of contention or is negatively impacting your life, you may need to seek professional help and commit to porn addiction treatment.

How Begin Again Institute Can Help

Cheating and infidelity are less about the actual behavior and more about what it means in your relationship. Lies and secrets cause the foundational trust to erode and the connection to fall apart. Relationships are all about being on a team, talking about your feelings, and being honest about your needs. Work together to decide what is acceptable for you both. When you create that structure together, you’ll be more invested in your relationship. 

If pornography viewing is causing repeated problems in your relationship or life, Begin Again Institute can help. Our 14-Day Men’s Intensive and 14-Day Christian Men’s Intensive help men get to the root cause of addiction and begin healing. Each of our intensives comes with a free, online Partner Support Program to help your partner heal from the betrayal they feel as a result of addiction. Contact us today to start your healing journey.