Do you complete a mental checklist of all your things before you walk out the door? Repeating “phone, wallet, keys” is a common mantra. Your phone is always within reach. And you feel “off” if you forget it. But when you have a phone sex addiction, having that access makes getting or staying sober challenging.
Understanding Phone Sex Addiction
Phone sex is when you engage in sexually explicit activities over the phone for sexual gratification.
Phone sex can entail:
- Calling phone sex hotlines
- Having sex over the phone
- Sexting someone you know or a paid service
- Sending “sexts” or sexually explicit material via your phone
When you become reliant on these activities, they can become a sex addiction with your phone as the tool.
Sex addiction, also known as compulsive sexual behavior or hypersexuality disorder, is a constant focus on sexual fantasies, urges, or behaviors that you can’t control or stop, even if you try.
People develop sex addictions as a way to cope with unresolved trauma. Recovering from the addiction requires getting to the root cause and healing it, too.
If you use phone sex as an outlet, your brain becomes accustomed to the feel-good sensations it gets from those activities. The vibration or chime of your phone may send a quick hit of the pleasure chemical dopamine to your brain. That hit rewards you for the message you’re about to open. These consistent small hits of dopamine can lead to an addiction.
Signs and Symptoms of Phone Sex Addiction
How do you know if you have a phone sex addiction? A key way to know if you have an addiction is if the behavior is negatively impacting you and you try to stop but can’t.
Other signs of phone sex addiction include:
- Feeling unable to put your phone down in case you miss an explicit message
- Fear of other people touching your phone or seeing your screen
- Spending excessive amounts of time and energy pursuing your next phone sex opportunity
- Experiencing financial difficulties because of money spent on phone sex services
- Feeling depressed or ashamed of your phone sex activities
- Ignoring or being unable to resolve the consequences of your behaviors
Overcoming Phone Sex Addiction
Getting rid of your phone entirely probably isn’t an option, but there are some things you can do to help overcome phone sex addiction. Creating and maintaining boundaries around your phone usage is crucial. Perhaps more important is understanding the root cause of the addiction and healing from that.
Identify Triggers
Work to identify what triggers you to engage in these behaviors can help you create rules and boundaries for yourself. For example, do you tend to engage in phone sex during a certain time of day or after a specific stressor? If so, you can apply some of the methods below to cope with these hypersexuality triggers.
Set Time Limits
Choose certain hours of the day when your phone is “off-limits.” Try to set these times around when you’re most inclined to use your phone as a sexual outlet. Leave your phone in another room if you tend to engage in phone sex activities before bed. Or, do not allow yourself to use your phone after specific work hours. Setting reminders to put your phone away may also be helpful.
Delete Applications
Some apps may tempt you more than others. Deleting applications that are sexually stimulating is a necessary step. It will help you break the connection between you and your phone. Dating applications, social media, and pornography sites are all types of applications you should delete.
Install Blockers
If there are certain sites that result in you seeking out phone sex, limit your access to them. One way to do this may be by installing pornography blockers on your phone.
Find an Accountability Partner
Is there someone you trust that you can talk to about the issues you’re having? If so, they can serve as an accountability partner for you. When you feel like you want to engage in phone sex, you can reach out and talk to them about what’s bothering you or let them distract you instead.
Seek Professional Assistance
You can do a lot of things on your own to limit the amount of time you spend on your phone and the sites or apps you look at. But none of those things are going to address the reason you developed this addiction. Working with a mental health professional can help you stop these behaviors, but it also can assist you in identifying why they developed to begin with and resolve those concerns too.
Treatment for Phone Sex Addiction
At Begin Again Institute, we treat people with sex addiction through our 14-Day Men’s Intensive and 14-Day Christian Men’s Intestive. During these intensives, our team helps you identify and heal from the root cause of the addiction while stopping negative behaviors. We use a combination of therapies to help you heal.
You don’t have to be addicted to phone sex anymore. You’re ready for and deserving of change. Contact us today to learn more about your treatment options.
Having been raised outside the US, Sako knows what it’s like to look at things from a different lens. His Armenian culture has fostered a love of close relationships where the messiness of human beings and all of their “stuff” is considered to be a part of the joy and experience of life. Sako identifies connection, compassion, humor, and growth to be his core values, which he brings into all parts of his life, especially his professional work.
