Can a Marriage Without Intimacy Survive?

When people think about intimacy in a partner relationship, they often think about sex. But intimacy is so much more than a sexual relationship. It’s about the way two people care for, relate to, and engage with each other. When you understand what intimacy entails, it’s easy to see why a marriage without intimacy would have a difficult time surviving and why it’s important to re-establish intimacy to keep the marriage alive.

Intimacy in Marriage Is Necessary

Husbands and wives need intimacy to make their marriages last. But contrary to popular opinion, intimacy is not limited to sex. Physical intimacy is essential to a marriage, but it also can’t be the foundation of the marriage. There’s so much more to a relationship than “relations.”

Forms of intimacy in a healthy relationship:

• Physical. Sex might be the first thing that comes to mind related to physical intimacy, but this type of intimacy can also be sitting near each other, cuddling, kissing, and even holding hands.
• Spiritual. Getting God involved in your personal lives and your relationship is a valuable form of intimacy. Praying, studying scriptures, and sharing your faith draws you closer to each other.
• Intellectual and Experiential. Doing something together that involves equal effort from each of you is another form of intimacy. If your partner enjoys an activity or hobby, try doing that together. And talking — honest, open, two-way communication — will only strengthen your bond and bring you closer.
• Emotional. Speaking of communication, sharing your feelings is an excellent way to be emotionally intimate. You probably shared your hopes and dreams in the early days of your relationship. As time goes on, you also need to share your insecurities, fears, and anxieties. You have to be open and vulnerable with each other.

Physical intimacy enhances a marriage. But other types of intimacy are also necessary to make a marriage work and thrive.

How to Tell If Your Marriage Lacks Intimacy

How do you know if your marriage lacks intimacy? You can probably feel it. In fact, if you’re reading this post, chances are you think something is wrong. And while you may not say, “I think my marriage lacks intimacy,” you can tell that something is off.

Signs your marriage lacks intimacy:

• You no longer share your feelings, hopes, fears, or dreams with each other.
• Conversations feel surface-level and emotionally distant.
• You’re not sure your partner really understands you or supports your emotional needs.
• When you express something vulnerable, your partner seems indifferent.
• There’s no physical touch or affection.
• Sexual activity has decreased significantly or feels mechanical.
• You avoid talking about deep topics or engaging in meaningful conversations.
• It feels like your partner no longer values your perspective.
• There’s little interest in sharing ideas, thoughts, or intellectual pursuits.
• You don’t feel aligned in terms of values, beliefs, or a shared sense of purpose. 
• You spend little time enjoying shared activities or creating new experiences together.
• You avoid conflicts because they aren’t worth the effort or are too hostile.
• You can’t resolve disagreements in a way that feels respectful or satisfying.
• There isn’t transparency or teamwork when it comes to financial issues.

Can a Marriage Without Intimacy Survive?

A marriage without intimacy can survive, but it may face significant challenges and leave one or both partners feeling unfulfilled. In other words, it may be able to survive, but it likely won’t be the type or quality of relationship you want. 

Intimacy is a cornerstone of a strong, healthy relationship. It fosters connection, trust, and emotional security. When intimacy is absent, the marriage may feel more like a partnership of convenience than a meaningful, loving bond.

Resentment can build if one person in the relationship desires intimacy and the other doesn’t or doesn’t even realize it’s missing. It can make you feel isolated or lonely.

Over time, a lack of intimacy can erode the emotional foundation of the marriage. Both partners may seek fulfillment outside the relationship, whether through friends, hobbies, or, in some cases, affairs.

To avoid these problems and have a healthy, secure marriage, you’ll need to work together to re-establish intimacy.

Restoring Intimacy in Your Marriage

Restoring intimacy in your marriage requires intentional effort, open communication, and a willingness from both partners to reconnect. Here’s what rekindling intimacy in your relationship might look like.

1. Acknowledging the Problem and Its Root Cause

What caused the intimacy to leave your relationship or was it ever really there?

Acknowledge the lack of intimacy, what area(s) of intimacy are missing, and why it is critical to healing the relationship.

2. Treating the Problem and Its Cause

Once you’ve determined the cause of the lack of intimacy in your relationship, that problem must be treated or eliminated. You may need the assistance of a mental health professional during these first two steps.

For example, perhaps the problem is that you or your partner are experiencing an intimacy disorder that goes back to trauma during childhood and an inability to fully trust and rely on other people. If that’s the case, you’ll likely need help working through that issue.

3. Rebuilding Intimacy

Once you’re both ready to begin rebuilding intimacy in your relationship, you’ll have to make a consorted effort to regularly focus on all the types of intimacy. This means prioritizing quality time together without distractions, actively listening to one another, and regularly expressing appreciation for and gratitude toward each other. It also means reintroducing physical touch and intimacy and beginning to share your dreams, fears, and values, and faith again when it feels safe to do so. 

4. Addressing Conflicts Constructively

Intimate relationships aren’t without conflict. No relationships are. Conflict doesn’t mean you should give up on the relationship. Instead, you should work to avoid barriers to intimacy by working through issues calmly and respectfully. Focus on finding solutions and compromises instead of blaming each other. 

How Begin Again Institute Can Help

If you and your partner agree that you want your marriage to work, you must put in the effort to re-establish intimacy. If you think an intimacy disorder is getting in the way of intimacy in your marriage, Begin Again Institute can help.

At BAI, we offer a 14-Day Men’s Intensive and a 14-Day Christian Men’s Intensive for men with intimacy disorders. During the intensives, we help men discover and heal from the root cause of their intimacy issues. 

We also offer a free, virtual Partner Support Program for the wives of the men in our programs to help them understand intimacy disorders and heal as well. 
Your marriage doesn’t have to suffer. We can help you recover, rebuild, and restore it. Contact us today.