Does something feel “off” in your marriage? Have there been repeated suspicious events or outright discovery of unfaithfulness? Does the pain of a lack of intimacy feel overwhelming? It can be difficult to think about, but there’s something that makes you wonder, “Do I have a sex addict husband?”
The signs of sex addiction are not always easy to spot. Like any addiction, people with sex addiction or pornography addiction try to keep their behaviors hidden from their loved ones.
But there are some common red flags to look for that could indicate you have a sex addict husband.
What Is Sex Addiction?
Sex addiction, or hypersexuality disorder, is when a person compulsively engages in sexual behaviors, even at significant personal or professional risk. Experts describe this behavior as following the pattern of “compulsivity, escalation, and consequences.”
Key traits of sex addiction are:
- Compulsivity. The person with the addiction feels an overwhelming need to act out sexually in the face of emotional distress.
- Escalation. The behaviors increase in quantity (a growing list of behaviors), frequency (doing it more often and for longer periods), and risk.
- Consequences. The behaviors persist despite consequences and/or a desire to stop. Consequences are always present within addictive behaviors, but felt consequences are those that the person is aware of and that are distressing to them. These consequences may include job loss, threat to a marriage, loss of significant resources, or health concerns.
Unresolved emotional trauma often drives addiction. Sexual behavior is a common method of coping because when you engage in sexual behavior, your brain releases dopamine — the “feel good” neurochemical. Dopamine is responsible for boosting mood and feeling pleasure and satisfaction. When you begin associating sexual experiences with feeling better emotionally, you’ll want to experience that more frequently. That’s how an addiction begins.
Signs You Have a Sex Addict Husband
So, how do you know if your husband is a sex addict? You can look for certain behavioral signs. The presence of these signs doesn’t necessarily mean your husband has an addiction. But they likely do indicate that it’s time to discuss your concerns with your husband and perhaps a professional.
Signs of sex addiction include:
- Preoccupation with Sex. Does it seem like your husband is obsessive about sex? Is it all he wants to talk about? Does he pressure you to have sex after you decline? Does he pout, hold resentment, or behave passive-aggressively when you decline?
- Changes in Sexual Behavior. Does your husband seem less interested in sex, or is he suddenly more demanding or aggressive about sex? Does he seem distant or disconnected during sex?
- Financial Red Flags. Have you noticed your husband displaying unusual spending habits? Is there a sudden increase in cash withdrawals or a lot of money being spent on apps or websites? Unexplained hotel charges are another sign.
- Secretive and Possessive about Digital Devices. Does your husband consistently clear his internet history? Has he changed his phone or email passwords without telling you? Even in a marriage, each partner has a right to some privacy. But you’ve noticed a sudden increase in what your husband considers private. Does he refrain from leaving his phone out, or the screen visible/face up?
- Excessive Time Spent Online. Is your husband spending more time online or looking at his phone? Are there new or hidden social apps on his phone? Is he frequently found out of bed or on his phone or computer at night?
- Increased Time Away or At Home. Is your husband spending more time away from home? Is he encouraging you to spend time away from the house? Or does he no longer join you for social events? Are there frequent excuses for why he can’t join you or the family for events?
- Emotional Changes. Is your husband more irritable or angry than usual? Does he seem emotionally detached? Does he seem to lie frequently, even about little things?
- Increasingly Unreachable. Does your husband not respond to your calls or texts for long periods? When asked, does he offer the same excuses, such as lacking cell reception, a dead phone battery, or he forgot his phone somewhere?
- Losing Time. Does your partner frequently come home late or seem to lose track of time when he’s by himself? Do his errands appear to take more time and are more frequent than necessary?
While none of these things alone guarantee you have a sex addict husband, they are reasons that you may want to talk to your husband about what’s going on and see if you can get to the bottom of his secrecy.
Treatment for Sex Addiction
If you think your husband has a sex addiction, you’ll want to encourage him to seek treatment. Most people with an addiction can’t cure it on their own. They need help from trained clinicians who can offer treatments to help.
At Begin Again Institute, our intimacy disorder treatment programs offer unique pathways to help your loved one get the treatment they need, including our 14-Day Men’s Intensives and 14-Day Christian Men’s Intensives.
By offering a comprehensive suite of options, we provide levels of care for clients with a diverse range of needs. We’ll ensure that you and your loved one have everything you need to succeed in your treatment goals.
To learn more, contact us today.
Edward Tilton is a proven behavioral healthcare leader with an established track record in the recovery industry space. As an accomplished healthcare leader, Ed has diverse management experience including clinical and business operations, expansion of program development, and clinical service offerings.
