How To Know if a Relationship Is Worth Saving

Romantic relationships can make you feel over the moon with happiness, but they can also emotionally wreck you. When significant conflict comes between a couple, it’s a critical moment in your relationship. Is it worth trying to make things work? Or should you cut your losses and leave? 

Every relationship is unique, so it can be difficult to know how to tell if a relationship is worth saving. Is the love you feel for the other person worth the pain and stress of the relationship?

And if your partner has an intimacy disorder like sex addiction, you may have felt hurt or betrayed by their actions. 

The most important point to consider is your physical and emotional safety. Do you feel comfortable enough with your partner to openly communicate about problems in the relationship? And secondly, are they willing to seek treatment for the intimacy disorder?

With help from treatment, you may be able to repair your relationship. But you must first determine: Is my relationship worth saving?

Assessing the Relationship

The first step in determining if a relationship is worth saving is objectively looking at the partnership. Was there a specific incident that caused you distress, but otherwise, you’ve been fine? Or maybe you’ve experienced persistent feelings of doubt that you can’t place.

Consider journaling your thoughts or speaking with a mental health professional or trusted friend to help you process your feelings as you assess. 

Tips for evaluating your relationship include:

• Consider the Overall Worth. How does being with this person make you feel? Are you a better or worse version of yourself when you’re around them? It may be helpful to get input from trusted loved ones to determine if your demeanor or personality has changed since you’ve been with this person. 
• Assess Shared Values and Goals. Shared values can be a good indicator of long-term success in a relationship. While you may disagree on surface-level topics or interests, the principles remain strong. 
• Examine the Level of Commitment. Is your partner committed to the relationship, willing to work on it, and committed to recovery? If not, it can be difficult to repair the relationship and move forward.

Signs That Indicate a Relationship Is Worth Saving

If you have a strong foundation for your relationship but you’ve encountered hurdles, you can overcome them. It may be worth working on your relationship if it meets these criteria. 

Signs you can rebuild your relationship include: 

• Strong Emotional and Physical Attraction. If your personalities mesh well and you still have strong sexual chemistry, it’s a good sign. Physical and emotional intimacy are indicators of a healthy relationship. 
• Feelings of Happiness and Fulfillment in the Relationship. At the end of the day, can you laugh with your partner, enjoy quality time together, and feel comfortable around them? If you’re going to work to fix the relationship, it should be for someone who makes you happy.
• Open and Effective Communication. If you can have an honest conversation with your partner and allow yourself to be open and vulnerable, it’s a positive sign for your relationship and settling future arguments.
• Ability to Resolve Conflicts. Think about the arguments you’ve had. Are the majority petty bickering that you eventually move past? Or if they include altercations about deeper, more impactful topics, can you overcome those challenges together? A healthy relationship doesn’t mean a couple never argues. Rather, that you’re able to communicate effectively and move on rather than it evolving into grudges or resentment. 
• Shared Interests and Activities. Do you have fun doing things with your partner? Even if you don’t share the same interests or hobbies, can you appreciate an activity your partner enjoys? Finding hobbies and activities that facilitate connection between you and your partner is important for long-term happiness.
• Positive Impact on Well-Being. Having a trusted person in your life who you can rely on benefits your happiness. Do you feel like a better person being around your significant other? If so, it’s probably worth saving.
• Willingness to Work. Rebuilding a relationship requires commitment from each partner to work on problems in the relationship. If each person is willing to make changes, listen, and understand the other, it bodes well for the relationship’s future.

Warning Signs That a Relationship May Not Be Worth Saving

All relationships have ups and downs, but if a relationship causes overwhelming distress, it’s probably time to let go. 

Warning signs include: 

• Lack of Trust and Betrayal. Once one partner has broken the trust of the other, it takes work to rebuild that trust. But when one partner continues to betray the other, it will be almost impossible to regain confidence in their behavior.
• Emotional or Physical Abuse. If one partner engages in unwanted behavior that physically harms the other, intimidates, manipulates, or humiliates them, or makes them feel unsafe, the relationship should not continue. Speak to a trusted friend, therapist, or authority if you feel unsafe in your relationship and want help getting out. 
• Repeated Patterns of Disrespect. If you feel like your partner is just walking all over you, doesn’t listen or acknowledge your feelings, and disregards your boundaries, it’s unlikely to improve. There’s no amount of work that can make a wrong relationship right. 
• Unresolved Conflicts Leading to Resentment. You may have noticed a breakdown in communication, sweeping issues under the rug, or frustration constantly bubbling under the surface. You feel distressed and unhappy with your partner more often than not. 
• Loss of Emotional Connection and Intimacy. A relationship requires vulnerability and openness. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing what’s on your mind with your partner, you no longer enjoy talking to them, or you no longer feel the “spark” with them, it’s unlikely you’ll be able to get those feelings back. 
• Significant Differences in Values and Goals. It’s normal to have issues that are nonnegotiables. Differing opinions on things like religion, politics, marriage, or children can be a dealbreaker for some couples or cause more issues down the line. 
• Unwillingness To Admit Addiction, Seek Help, or Commit To Recovery. If one partner is experiencing an intimacy disorder, like sex addiction, the relationship will likely suffer. If they’re unable or unwilling to acknowledge how their behavior hurts the other person, or if only one person wants to make it work, it’s unlikely to be successful.

Factors To Consider To Determine if the Relationship Is Worth Saving

When determining if you should stay with your partner, evaluate whether you’re in a difficult phase in your relationship that you can work through or if you’ve experienced a consistent pattern of disrespect and unhappiness. Has this relationship significantly impacted your mental and physical health? Your individual happiness is important. If neither of you feels fulfilled by the relationship, it’s time to move on. 

Consider your and your partner’s long-term compatibility and the sustainability of your relationship. How much effort and commitment is required to improve the relationship, and are you both willing to put in the work? A one-sided relationship is like a house with a weak foundation. Eventually, it will collapse. 

You don’t have to make the decision alone. Speak to a loved one or mental health professional to process the complicated emotions and feel more secure in your choice.

Even if you clocked a few of the warning signs, it doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship is doomed. It will only fail if there’s no change. Ultimately, each relationship is unique, and only you can know best what’s right for you. 

Tips for deciding if you should stay in a relationship include: 

• Reflect on your personal needs and desires
• Communicate openly with your partner about your concerns and expectations
• Seek professional help or counseling to heal both of you
• Assess the willingness of both partners to work on the relationship
• Consider the potential for growth and positive change

You’re Not Alone

At Begin Again Institute, we know that relationship trauma has lasting effects.  It leads to pain and resentment and it’s difficult to overcome. That’s why, alongside sex addiction treatment, we offer a partner support program that helps the partners of those with sex addiction heal from the traumas they’ve endured.

We also offer a 5-Day Partner Intensive for those partners who seek a deeper level of healing and recovery from the trauma of betrayal.

If you need help navigating your relationship and determining whether it’s worth saving, BAI can help. Give us a call today and experience the support you need.