Healing from sex and pornography addiction doesn’t happen overnight. It often requires professional intervention and years of self-discipline. You have to retrain your brain and undo habits and behaviors that were cemented over time.
The road to recovery can bring obstacles. Relapse is common, even if you undergo professional treatment. Triggering events in your life may cause you to revert to old coping mechanisms. It doesn’t mean you have failed. It’s a somewhat expected part of the recovery journey. Still, getting back on track after a relapse can be tough.
If you know the relapse warning signs, you can effectively prepare and avoid any potential triggers. When you face relapse head-on with honesty and a commitment to sobriety, you’ll be able to manage it effectively and prepare for future obstacles.
Understanding Relapse in Sex and Pornography Addiction
How do you know if you’ve relapsed? In basic terms, it means returning to adverse sexual behaviors or watching porn after a period of abstaining from it.
It’s natural to feel compelled to respond to triggers, especially if you’re experiencing distress in your life. When it builds up over time, it can bubble over and cause you to revert to unhealthy habits.
Relapse is a transitional process in addiction recovery. It allows you to recognize the areas in which you need more support. That’s why many mental health professionals have shifted away from the term “relapse prevention” and instead use “recovery maintenance.”
When it comes to addiction, language matters. While relapse may feel like a negative word, it doesn’t equate to failure. You can feel consumed by the thought, “What if I relapse?” Relapse can and often does happen, which is why you should be prepared when it occurs.
“Some clients never act out again after treatment, but that is not common,” said Matt Wenger, Clinical Director at Begin Again Institute. “The best steps to take to avoid relapse are to engage in ongoing trauma therapy, maintain a rigorous recovery program, engage in authentic and supportive communities of other recovering addicts, and live a life of transparency.”
Common Warning Signs of Relapse
You can’t prepare for relapse if you don’t recognize the warning signs. When you know what to expect, you’ve got a better chance to avoid it or recover post-relapse.
Common relapse warning signs include:
- The “Just Once” Mentality. You may feel such intense urges that you think indulging just one time will satisfy that craving. But it’s never just one time. Once you gratify that hunger, the urges will get more intense.
- Overconfidence. If you’ve had a successful recovery path, you may believe addiction is no longer a problem. You feel healed from your addiction and think you can test yourself with former behaviors without relapsing. Despite going through professional treatment, your brain is still mostly the same. It will still experience the same uncontrollable triggers and default to certain behaviors. While you may feel more in control, recognize that you are still susceptible to falling back into old habits.
- Avoiding Therapy. Canceling appointments, closing off during a counseling session, or deciding you no longer need professional support can indicate potential relapse. The overconfidence can create a false security, when in reality, relapse is always a possibility, no matter what stage of recovery you’re in.
- Cutting Off Support Networks. This may start with overconfidence, a “healed” mindset, or rejection of your former self. But you may lose sight of your healing journey without the people who keep you grounded, on track with your goals, and accountable. A trusted support network is essential to maintaining recovery.
- Reminiscing About Addictive Behaviors. When you experience healing, it’s easy to forget the negative consequences of sex or porn addiction, particularly if significant time has passed. You associate it with being a coping mechanism — a way to distract yourself from stress or anxiety. The pleasure outweighs the pain. You feel drawn to experience the good times again.
- Behavioral Changes. If you’ve started to feel depressed, moody, or easily irritable, it can reflect the behavior you exhibited before you found healing. You may experience withdrawal symptoms, like lack of energy or motivation, difficulty sleeping, or losing your appetite. If you feel bad anyway, it may make you think it’s OK to just go ahead and restart the adverse behavior.
- Defensiveness. If you’re exhibiting warning signs of relapse and your loved ones have started to notice, it’s easy to go on the defensive. You may be frustrated at yourself, self-conscious, and in denial. While you may believe everything is fine, those on the outside recognize there’s something deeper going on.
Internal and External Triggers
Triggers are people, places, events, or thoughts that cause you to engage in sexual behavior. Your brain goes into autopilot, and you may feel helpless to resist, even if it causes you harm or distress.
Triggers can be internal and external. Internal triggers refer to emotions, feelings, memories, or trauma that causes inner discomfort. External triggers are people, places, situations, objects, or images that provoke relapse.
Triggers will differ for each person, but there are some commonalities.
Internal triggers may include:
- Low self-esteem
- Anxiety
- Fear
- Stress
- Shame
- Lack of affection
- Loneliness
- Unresolved resentment
- Boredom
- Feelings of invalidation
External triggers may include:
- Exposure to sexual imagery
- Running into a previous sexual partner
- Experiencing rejection
- Being criticized
- Experiencing a loss or tragedy
- Relationship issues
- Drug or alcohol use
- Significant life changes like a new job, moving, etc.
- Financial loss
- Excessive free time
Strategies to Manage and Prevent Relapse
Remember that relapse does not indicate failure. It’s a typical part of the recovery process. While it may feel like a setback, it’s a learning opportunity. It does not negate the challenging work you did to achieve recovery in the first place.
Immediately after experiencing a relapse, acknowledge the problem and reflect on why it happened. Consider the triggers that caused you to relapse. Be honest with yourself.
Strategies for managing relapse include:
- Ask for Support. Confide in a trusted person about what happened, why it happened, and how you’re feeling about it.
- Do an Activity. Engaging in something positive that helps you feel in control can manage the negative feelings you’re experiencing. Try going for a walk to clear your head, exercising, eating at your favorite restaurant, or enjoying a hobby.
- Set Boundaries. If you know a specific person or place triggered your relapse, it is your right to avoid that trigger in the future. Be your own advocate. Know your limits, and don’t be afraid to communicate them with those in your life.
- Practice self-care. Be kind to yourself. This will be an emotionally and physically taxing time, so ensure you prioritize eating well, implementing proper hygiene, and resting adequately.
- Formulate a Plan. Take a step back, evaluate your experience, and determine a method for dealing with triggers and managing your recovery going forward.
Seeking Professional Help and Support
Recovery is often more accessible, manageable, and long-lasting with professional help. Your recovery maintenance should include ongoing therapy and support groups. A mental health professional like a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT) can help you manage triggers, process unresolved trauma, and learn life skills for long-term recovery.
When you meet others who have gone through similar experiences, it diminishes the shame, stigma, and loneliness surrounding addiction. Through support groups, you can meet accountability partners and form life-long friendships.
Maintain contact with your therapist and support networks, even if you feel you’ve achieved healing. Recovery from sex and porn addiction is a lifelong journey. It’s much easier if you have allies by your side.
“To prevent relapse, one should dedicate themselves toward rigorous honesty with self and others, embrace their vulnerabilities and ask for help, engage in continuous therapy (both sex addiction therapy and trauma therapy), and seek resources and support from the community,” said Nate Geyer, Primary Therapist at Begin Again Institute. “Group work is critical to success in recovery.
“I truly believe in this mantra: ‘We do addiction in isolation, but heal in groups.’”
Hope After Relapse
While relapse is always a possibility, it’s not the end of your road to recovery. It’s an obstacle on your path which you can overcome. If you understand the relapse warning signs, you can formulate a plan to manage your recovery effectively.
At Begin Again Institute, we offer sex and porn addiction treatment intensive programs, where you’ll get comprehensive healing through our proven trauma-focused approach. You’ll experience all the benefits of sex addiction treatment and learn tools for lasting recovery. If a relapse happens, you’ll be prepared.
If you’ve experienced relapse, don’t lose hope. Recovery is possible, no matter what setbacks you may face. If you’re looking for support and guidance in your recovery journey, give us a call today.
