You think you may have a problem but aren’t sure. You know you’re engaging in sexual behaviors that you aren’t proud of, and you can’t seem to stop, even when you try. It’s making you feel terrible and starting to creep into other aspects of your life, like your relationships and even your work. But how did this happen, and how can you get control of it?
Understanding the signs of sex addiction can help you know if you might be experiencing the disorder and whether you should consider seeking sex addiction treatment.
What Is Sex Addiction?
Sex addiction is an inability to control sexual thoughts, impulses, and desires. It’s also known as compulsive sexual behavior or hypersexuality disorder. If you have a sex addiction, you can’t control your desires, which can cause severe emotional distress. As the addiction advances, your sexual behaviors begin to affect every aspect of your life, including your mental health, physical well-being, job, and relationships.
What Causes Sex Addiction?
Sex addiction often occurs as a response to unresolved trauma. When a person survives trauma such as abuse or neglect, they look for ways to cope. Trauma causes the brain and body to go into fight-or-flight mode.
You need dopamine to get the body out of the fight-or-flight mode and return it to its normal state. Dopamine is the feel-good neurotransmitter released when you do something pleasurable. Sexual activity causes a dopamine release and makes you feel better emotionally, at least temporarily.
Over time, when a person learns that sexual release makes them feel better, it becomes a habit. They look to sex to make them feel emotionally better, causing their body to link the behavior with positive feelings. Soon, they need increasingly more of the behavior to get the same feeling, and an addiction forms.
The 15 Signs of Sex Addiction
So, how do you know if you have a sex addiction? It’s best not to try to diagnose yourself. However, you can get a good idea of whether it’s time to seek professional mental health assistance by understanding the signs of sex addiction.
Dr. Patrick Carnes first researched and published the signs of sex addiction in 1991. At that time, there were 10 agreed-upon signs. The list has expanded further since, according to T.C. Ryan, author of Ashamed No More: A Pastor’s Journey Through Sex Addiction and Pastoral Sex Addiction Specialist in Begin Again Institute’s faith-based Boulder Recovery program.
1. Using Sex to Cope
People with sex addiction often use sex to deal with negative emotions. If sex is a form of coping instead of an expression of intimacy between two people, it could be a sign of a sex addiction.
2. Feeling a Need to Limit Behavior
If you know your behavior is out of control and want to stop it, it’s probably a sign of a problem.
3. Inability to Control Impulses
People with sex addiction struggle to control their sexual thoughts, fantasies, and urges. They may engage in sexual behavior they later regret and feel ashamed of, but they can’t stop acting out.
4. Experiencing Severe Consequences
Sex addiction eventually negatively impacts almost every aspect of a person’s life. If you’re experiencing problems with relationships, finances, work, or even legal issues, it’s a sign that the behavior is causing you harm.
5. Can’t Stop Carrying Out Behavior
The inability to stop carrying out certain behaviors is one of the main characteristics of sex addiction. If you are unable to stop the sexual behavior, even though you want to and try to, it’s a sign of a problem.
6. Engaging in Risky Acts
Sex addicts tend to engage in risky behaviors such as unprotected sex or having multiple partners. If you’re engaging in risky sexual behavior that you feel negatively about or regret, it’s a sign that something is wrong.
7. Excusing Sexual Habits
Many people with sex addiction are aware of their problem but deny it because they fear the negative consequences of doing so. They may justify their behavior by blaming others for their actions. They might also try to convince themselves or others that their behavior is normal and they just have a higher sex drive.
8. Tolerance and Escalation
A person who is tolerant of a substance requires increasing amounts of it to achieve the desired effect. As a person engages in sexually addictive behavior, they will often escalate the type or amount of activity they pursue to gain arousal or relief from stress or tension. Escalation is common among those who live with addiction. Addictions escalate. That’s what they do.
9. Relational Distress
Sex addiction creates an emotional disconnect and causes problems in relationships. People may have difficulty maintaining long-term relationships or staying in touch with friends and family. In some cases, they may even lose interest in sex with their partner because the excitement of a new relationship is more appealing to them.
10. Mood Swings and Outbursts
Mood swings and outbursts are other signs of sex addiction. When a person acts out sexually, they tend to make irrational decisions and act impulsively. This behavior can cause mood swings and outbursts due to guilt, shame, or frustration with their own behaviors.
11. Obsessive Thinking
Sex addiction is a progressive disorder. The more you engage in the behavior, the stronger your compulsion to continue will become. You will spend increasingly more time engaged in sexual fantasies or planning for future sexual encounters. There never seems to be enough sex, and it becomes all-consuming.
12. Excessive Time Spent Acting Out
Addiction consumes a person’s time. As sex addiction develops, you will spend increasingly more time planning and engaging in sexual encounters. As the need for sex increases, more time must be spent feeding the addiction.
13. Neglecting Responsibilities
There are only so many hours in a day. As you spend more time thinking about and engaging in sexual activity, other responsibilities go by the wayside. You may neglect responsibilities like work, family, friends, or other important commitments.
14. Loss or Decline of Sexual Functioning
It’s not uncommon for someone to be unable to have sex with their partner or perform sexual acts if they have a sex addiction. They may avoid sex completely or be unable to perform sexually.
15. Withdrawal
When you try to stop an addictive behavior, you’re likely to have withdrawal symptoms. Sex addiction is no different. If you attempt to stop your sexual behavior, you may experience withdrawal symptoms like mood swings, headaches, and extreme tiredness. These symptoms often lead to a person resuming the behavior.
How Is Sex Addiction Diagnosed?
There isn’t an official diagnostic criterion for sex addiction yet, but it can be determined by spotting the symptoms.
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), the official manual for diagnosing mental health conditions, doesn’t have a category for sex addiction. But it has a section on hypersexuality disorder and states that excessive sexual thoughts or behaviors can be considered an addiction if they cause “significant impairment” in your life.
If you feel like you have issues related to sex addiction — whether it’s because you can’t stop masturbating or watching porn or because you’re concerned about a loved one — there are certain symptoms you can look for.
Common Forms of Treatment
There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to treating sex addiction because everyone’s needs differ. Finding a licensed professional and recovery center that understands your specific needs and can offer personalized care and support for your recovery goals is essential.
When choosing treatment, consider:
- Co-Addiction Therapy. This type of therapy treats both sex addiction and a co-occurring mental health disorder, like anxiety or depression.
- In-Patient or Residential Programs. These programs require patients to live at the facility for a certain period while undergoing treatment that includes group therapy, psychoeducation, and individual counseling.
- Intensives. Intensives, like those offered at Begin Again Institute, help jump-start recovery in a short timeframe.
- Partner Support. Sex addiction impacts marriages, and partners may experience betrayal trauma. Partner support programs help the partner of someone with sex addiction heal.
- Psychotherapy. Individual therapy with a trained professional is critical when addressing sex addiction behaviors and habits.
- Support Groups. Support is vital to restoring and healing from sex addiction and helping you not feel alone in your recovery journey.
Various treatment options exist for sex addiction. Understanding sex addiction symptoms and treatment helps you consider the right options for you.
When to Seek Treatment for Sex Addiction
There are many reasons a person may seek treatment for sex addiction. For example, many people with sex addiction experience the inability to control their impulses, which can lead to serious consequences. Other times, people may need help with their physical or mental health to get back on track and lead healthier lives.
Sex addiction is a serious mental health issue. Matt Wenger, Clinical Director at Begin Again Institute, said treatment is necessary to heal from sex addiction, and treatment has many benefits.
“Treatment allows men to deal with the underlying trauma that resulted in the addiction and provides new and more effective tools for combating urges,” he said. “Sex addiction treatment can result in experiencing life in a more grounded, emotionally connected way. Clients who go through treatment often begin a new life more aligned with their values and authentic self.”
Treating More Than the Symptoms of Sex Addiction
If you recognize your behavior in the signs of sex addiction above, don’t despair. It doesn’t mean you’re destined to live a life of addiction. You can heal from sex addiction and start living the life you deserve.
At Begin Again Institute, we understand the signs and symptoms of sex addiction and can help you recover. We offer a 14-Day Men’s Intensive and a 14-Day Christian Men’s Intensive to help you identify the root cause of your behavior, heal from it, and learn how to cope with negative emotions.
We’re ready to help you jumpstart your recovery. All you need is willingness, support, and courage to take the first step toward your future, free from sex addiction. Contact us today to begin.
Edward Tilton is a proven behavioral healthcare leader with an established track record in the recovery industry space. As an accomplished healthcare leader, Ed has diverse management experience including clinical and business operations, expansion of program development, and clinical service offerings.
