When you have a sex addiction, you can struggle to control your sexual thoughts, urges, or behaviors, even when you try. You reach a point when the addiction is negatively impacting your life and harming your loved ones. That’s when some men with sex addictions decide to seek professional help to uncover and heal from the root cause of the addiction, change their behaviors, and move into recovery.
One of the biggest challenges in sustaining recovery is understanding triggers in addiction and what cues might make you want to fall back into active addiction. Understanding these triggers is a crucial step toward breaking free from compulsive sexual behavior and regaining control of your life.
What Is a Trigger in Sex Addiction?
A trigger in the context of sex addiction is data or stimuli in the environment that relates to or is connected with acting out or to a traumatic event in the past. These triggers might include stress, loneliness, certain images or songs, or even specific locations or times of day.
Regardless of the nature of the trigger, it makes you want to repeat behaviors that you know are harmful to yourself and others.
Two Types of Triggers in Sex Addiction
Sex addiction triggers are typically one of two types. The first is an addictive trigger. This is something in the environment that may prompt dopamine release, begin obsession or rumination, or stoke the urge to act out. This is an activation of a well-used neural pathway.
These triggers may include ads featuring attractive people, explicit scenes on television or objectifying someone in public.
Addictive triggers are especially concerning if you’re in active addiction or early recovery because you’re more likely to act out than someone further into their recovery journey.
The second type of trigger in sex addiction is a trauma trigger. These environmental stimuli connect to your traumatic experiences, initiate a state-specific response, and lead to dysregulation, sometimes without you even being aware it’s happening.
The most common state-specific responses within the nervous system are:
- Fight/Flight. The body prepares to defend itself or flee. This state is marked by elevated heart rate, rapid breathing, sweat, and a rush of adrenalin.
- Freeze. The body begins to shut down to avoid or endure pain. This state is marked by a feeling of numbness, cold, foggy thinking, immobility, and dissociation.
- Fawn. A lesser-known response marked by anxiety and fear-driven people-pleasing, where individuals go to great lengths to avoid the threat of punishment or emotional pain. This is identified by thinking patterns and emotions rather than physical sensations.
Trauma triggers mirror the sensations that occurred during the original trauma, which likely is the root cause of the sex addiction.
Trauma triggers are a concern if you’re in early or long-term recovery. After eight to 12 weeks of sobriety, dopamine receptors can heal, and cravings begin to decrease. After this point, trauma triggers, not cravings, are the most likely cause of relapse.
Triggers Betrayed Partners May Experience
Triggers don’t just happen to the person who experienced the addiction. Betrayed partners also may also experience betrayal trauma triggers.
These triggers are likely related to environmental stimuli that connect to the trauma of the betrayal. However, they also could be related to other past traumas, including childhood trauma.
Regardless of whether it’s you or someone you betrayed experiencing the trigger, it’s essential to healing to learn how to identify these triggers and know how to cope with them.
How to Navigate Triggers
Identifying and preparing to navigate triggers is a crucial step in healing from sex addiction. Without awareness, triggers can lead to compulsive behaviors, making recovery more challenging. Instead, you want to be able to pause, reflect, and respond when you’re exposed to a trigger. Here are some effective strategies for identifying and managing triggers in addiction.
Develop Body Awareness
Your body is often aware of distress before your mind fully registers it. Learning to recognize physical cues can help you catch triggers early. This includes noticing changes in your breathing, muscle tension, or heart rate. You also want to pay attention to physical sensations like restlessness or tightness in your chest.
Notice Dysregulation in the Body
Dysregulation happens when your nervous system is heightened or shutting down. Dysregulation can make you feel anxious, restless when in Fight or Flight. If your nervous system is shutting down into Freeze you might feel numb or disconnected from yourself and your surroundings. Recognizing this state early can help you prevent yourself from reacting impulsively. Ask yourself if you’re feeling overwhelmed, scattered, or numb, and whether it could be a trauma response. Are you experiencing fight, flight, freeze, or fawn?
Get Curious
Don’t automatically react to the trigger. Instead, now that you know you’ve been triggered, investigate your feelings. Ask yourself, “What happened that made me feel this way?” Reflect on the types of triggers discussed above and which one you might be experiencing. Look at it from a place of curiosity, not judgment.
Use Regulation Tools, Not Replacement Behaviors
You’ll automatically want to use compulsive sexual behaviors to numb the discomfort associated with the trigger. But you can use regulation tools instead since you know what’s happening. These tools help soothe and regulate you instead of masking or suppressing emotions.
Regulation tools everyone should know:
- Temperature. Use cold stimuli, like holding ice cubes or splashing cold water on your face, to slow your heart rate and calm your nervous system. This approach will help when you feel overwhelmed, panicky, or stuck in a high-alert state.
- Paced Breathing. These controlled breathing patterns help calm your body when you feel anxious, dysregulated, or overwhelmed. You can breathe in for four seconds and out for four seconds. Or you can inhale for four seconds and exhale slowly for eight seconds.
- Intense Exercise. A quick burst of physical activity, like jumping jacks, running in place, or push-ups, can help if you’re in freeze mode. Remember, this is when you feel numb or dissociated. This movement can help release trapped energy and reestablish connection.
- Grounding Exercises. Try grounding yourself in the present moment through your senses by naming five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. This exercise helps pull you back into the present and keeps your thoughts from spiraling.
- Play the Tape. Go ahead and play the tape forward. What would happen if you gave in to the trigger? By considering the fallout of acting on your urge, you interrupt impulse thinking and recall the consequences of the action.
Talk About It
Have a plan for someone you can talk to when you experience a trigger. Triggers lose their power when you discuss them. Have a trusted person you can call on during these times to share honestly about what you’re experiencing.
Make a Therapy Appointment
You don’t have to fight through triggers alone. If triggers are feeling overwhelming or persistent, it’s probably a sign that it’s time to talk to a mental health professional. Don’t wait until you’re in crisis or you’ve fallen back into adverse coping patterns. Schedule a session as soon as you notice recurring struggles.
Have a Plan
The truth is that you’re likely to experience triggers. It would be unusual for you not to. That’s why having a strategy in advance for how you’ll deal with them is a good idea. Identify any situations that might be challenging, plan specific actions you’ll take if a trigger occurs, and have a safe person in place to talk to if or when you need to.
Help With Triggers
Begin Again Institute specializes in helping men heal addictive behaviors, including learning how to cope with triggers and stay in recovery.
Our 14-Day Men’s Intensive uses various therapies to help you heal. We also offer an aftercare program consisting of weekly support sessions to help you continue your progress.
You don’t have to undergo your healing journey alone. Contact Begin Again Institute for help.
Matt Wenger holds a master’s degree in Couples and Family Counseling. He began his clinical work with traumatized children and young people and learned how complex issues can lead to mental distress and dysfunction in homes.
