Have you ever had intense fear, anxiety, or hatred of sexual intimacy? Do you feel frustrated by an uncontrollable adversity to sex? If so, you might be experiencing sexual anorexia.
Due to the shame and stigma surrounding sexual anorexia, it can be difficult to understand it and seek sexual anorexia treatment. It’s often misdiagnosed and under-recognized. But by increasing awareness, those experiencing it can find better access to the help they need.
Finding sexual anorexia treatment can prove beneficial by addressing the underlying thoughts, fears, and traumas. A mental health professional can guide you through various treatment options to overcome these feelings and lessen the anxiety around sexual intimacy.
Understanding Sexual Anorexia
Sexual anorexia is a type of sexual dysfunction characterized by a fear of sexual intimacy and avoiding sexual activity. It can heavily affect a person’s romantic relationships and cause self-doubt, anxiety, and depression.
Sexual anorexia typically derives from trauma around sexual activity and causes a person distress.
American psychologist Dr. Patrick Carnes originated the term sexual anorexia and characterizes it as the compulsive avoidance of sexual activity. In his book, Sexual Anorexia: Overcoming Sexual Self-Hatred, he describes it as:
“An obsessive state in which the physical, mental, and emotional task of avoiding sex dominates one’s life. Like self-starvation with food, deprivation with sex can make one feel powerful and defended against all hurts.”
Some professionals describe sexual anorexia as the reverse of sex addiction, which is an uncontrollable need to engage in sexual activity.
“Sex addiction is primarily an intimacy disorder, and thus, it has a negative impact on all intimate relationships,” noted Matt Wenger, Clinical Director at Begin Again Institute. “Men dealing with sex addiction usually feel isolated and lonely, feeling the need for connected relationships but being unsure how to foster them. They are crippled by the shame of acting out and past traumas and instinctively hide to protect themselves from rejection.”
Compulsive avoidance of sex is much the same. It can cause you to have difficulty forming or maintaining intimate relationships, feel shame, and avoid sexual activity entirely.
Sexual anorexia can stem from a variety of causes, including:
- Trauma. If you’ve had a traumatic experience like sexual assault or abuse, particularly in childhood, it can cause your brain to react adversely to any sexual activity.
- Sexual Repression. If you grew up in a religious or cultural community that advocated against sexual activity, your brain may struggle to rewire those teachings.
- Lacking Sexual Experience. Anxiety and insecurity can make it challenging to engage in sexual activity if you haven’t done it before. You also may not have seen healthy sexual relationships exhibited and don’t know where to start.
- Sexual Shaming. Negative sexual experiences, including experiencing body-shaming, judgment, or rejection, can deter you from pursuing future sexual encounters.
- Anxiety or Depression. These conditions can impact sex drive by affecting energy levels, self-confidence, or stress.
Symptoms and Effects of Sexual Anorexia
Sexual anorexia can coexist with other conditions or addictions, such as mental illness and alcohol or drug addiction. While these symptoms may overlap, fear is typically the root symptom of sexual anorexia.
Fears may include that of:
- Intimacy
- Connecting with others
- Intense feelings
- Attraction to others
- Sexuality
- Judgment
- Beginning or ending a relationship
- Sexually transmitted diseases
Sexual anorexia can be difficult to diagnose as some people may engage in compulsive behaviors to mask or compensate for the disorder. It may be helpful to consider whether you display any of the symptoms of the issue.
Sexual anorexia symptoms include:
- Engaging in sexual voyeurism
- Excessive masturbation
- Watching pornography
- Isolating from others
- Vivid sexual fantasies
- Difficulty with arousal or orgasm
- Physical discomfort during sexual activity
- Sexual promiscuity with emotionally unavailable people
- Avoiding dating or intimate friendships
- Avoiding kissing or hugging
- Keeping secrets
Sexual anorexia can negatively impact a person’s ability to form and maintain intimate relationships.
Sex plays a role in increasing intimacy between romantic partners, improving trust, and helping couples bond. It can be an opportunity to show affection and love for your partner. Those experiencing sexual anorexia may feel they are missing out on these elements in their relationships.
Sexual Anorexia Treatment Approaches
Sexual anorexia is an intimacy disorder, and it can be treated in much the same way as sex addiction. It is possible to manage unhealthy sexual behaviors. You can start by making lifestyle changes, such as employing healthy eating habits, exercising enough, prioritizing self-care, engaging in stimulating hobbies, and confiding in loved ones.
Despite these changes, you may still struggle to manage the symptoms and understand the root of the disorder, but you don’t have to heal on your own. Many people experiencing sexual anorexia benefit from professional help to uncover the root of the addiction and begin the healing process.
At Begin Again Institute, we offer professional care through our expert team of Certified Sex Addiction Therapists (CSATs). These therapists undergo special training to help people dealing with sex addiction and intimacy disorders. While a traditional therapist may help you manage the symptoms of sexual anorexia, a CSAT understands how to get to the heart of the healing process, recognizing the root cause of the issues, and offering coping mechanisms and relapse-prevention options.
Our trauma-informed approach to therapy focuses on first identifying the trauma and then on helping you process it and understand your reaction to it. Once you’ve recognized the root cause, only then can you begin to heal.
At BAI, our trauma-informed approach includes a variety of sexual anorexia treatment options, including individual and group therapies.
How to Support a Loved One with Sexual Anorexia
Sexual anorexia can bring on confusion, frustration, shame, and stigma. While it can be challenging to know how to help without professional intervention, there are ways you can support a loved one experiencing it.
Tips for supporting a loved one with sexual anorexia include:
- Educate Yourself. Sexual anorexia is a complex topic with a variety of potential causes and symptoms. Don’t make assumptions. Take the time to learn about it so you can better understand what your loved one is experiencing.
- Be Patient. Change doesn’t happen overnight. It may take time and multiple methods to heal.
- Show Support/Active Listening. Facilitate a safe and supportive environment for them to share their feelings and experiences. Avoid making judgments or criticizing. Share what you’ve learned from your own research and ask what compares to their own experience.
- Encourage Seeking Help. It can be difficult to heal from sexual anorexia on your own. Empowering them to seek professional help and explore treatment options so they can find relief and healing.
“While many men are not addicts, they often struggle to connect emotionally with themselves and others,” Matt said. “Sex addiction treatment can result in experiencing life from a more grounded, emotionally connected, and empathic place. Clients who go through treatment often begin a new life that is more in line with their values and authentic self.”
Change Your Life Today
Sexual anorexia can feel complex, confusing, and debilitating. It can affect your relationships, self-esteem, and mental health. And with limited information and under-representation, it’s challenging to diagnose. But with help from a professional who can guide you through processing the unresolved trauma, you can unlock the root of the disorder and find healing.
If you’re experiencing the symptoms of sexual anorexia, treatment from Begin Again Institute can help. We offer healing programs like our 14-Day Men’s Intensive, uniquely designed for men with sex addiction and intimacy disorders, and our faith-based Boulder Recovery 14-Day Christian Men’s Intensive.
BAI is the longest-standing treatment center in the U.S., specializing in the treatment of these disorders. And everything we do is through a trauma-informed lens. If you’re looking for a discreet, nonjudgmental program with a proven healing framework, we can help. Contact us today to learn more and start the new life you deserve.
